Over a month ago I had a major epiphany that basically turned mine and Roadie’s world upside down. It came to me while reading a blog I discovered, “God’s Gift To Him.” In a nutshell I found myself riveted to a woman’s experience coming to the realization that her strong personality was really a cover for her true, but not socially acceptable desires.
Like being struck by lightning it suddenly hit me that I want Roadie to dominate our sex life and I want more than anything to submit to his pleasure. My desire for Dominant/submissive (D/s) is so strong that I started shaking. This was it. This was the true me that finally was breaking free from the years of stereotypes, conservative teachings and social dogmas. I posted this tweet:
“What do you do when you suddenly realize your strong-willed personality is actually
a cover up for a submissive desire?” – tweet, April 23, 2010.
I guess we can call that ground zero day. I sat silent and stunned at my revelation. See I have always been a dominant personality. I rose through the ranks in corporate settings, lead project teams and ran my house with the same determination and power grabbing nature. But secretly I wanted to hand it all over to someone else. Especially when it came to sex. I want Roadie to step in and take charge of me and have his way. I want him to tie me and fuck til I can’t cum anymore. I want him to desire me so much that he can’t keep from getting a hard on every time he sees me. I want nothing more than to surrender to his power and not be able to retreat from his pleasure.
As I stumbled through my mind at this revelation, I started to piece together old memories. I sat down to send Roadie an email with the link and simply told him to read the blog post and then call me. After an excruciating wait of a few hours he called and said, “Okay, I’m with you on this.” That was it.
So we gave it a try but failed miserably on the first attempts. Communication wasn’t good and he seemed reticent to take over. So we backed up and headed for reading material. Roadie is an intellectual while I am a doer, so I have to give him the opportunity to study the D/s lifestyle – honestly I think he was a professor in a previous life.
I downloaded the book, “The Loving Dominant” by John and Libby Warren to Roadie’s Kindle and am waiting for the new results. Like the woman in “God’s Gift” I will document our experiences so other couples can learn and be accepting of what is truly deep down in their nature.
So today I Found Me!
Welcome to Awakening Tara where I explore that crazy sexual awakening women experience during midlife and share some of the products and sites I enjoy most. 
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[...] as I mentioned in my first post about this new submissive discovery, Roadie and I are just learning how to be Dominant/submissive (D/s). We finished reading the book: [...]